


Mpreg Take Two: Teen Wolf Edition

by using_this_name



Series: Crackity Crack [55]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Adorable Isaac, Crack, Cravings, Creeper Peter, Drabble, F/M, Food Kink, Humor, M/M, Miscommunication, Morning Sickness, Mpreg, Object Insertion, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-10
Updated: 2013-08-10
Packaged: 2017-12-23 00:40:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/919957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/using_this_name/pseuds/using_this_name
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, Peter and Chris make casual bets about whose relatives are going to have illegitimate children first.  Like you do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mpreg Take Two: Teen Wolf Edition

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for an anonymous prompt on tumblr: Sterek mpreg. Please melt my brain.
> 
> And, well, I don’t really write serious, brain melt style porn. But I did write awkward implied object insertion, which is apparently my equivalent. So. Yeah. Enjoy.

****Isaac:** ** Want some of this pizza while I’m in here?

**Stiles:** Nah. Honestly, I’m feeling super queasy right now. The thought of eating pizza makes me nauseous.

**Isaac:** But you love pizza!

**Stiles:** I dunno. That pizza smells terrible.

**Isaac:** Eh. More for me. Peter? Want anything?

**Peter:** A beer?

**Isaac:** Oh yeah! Two wolfsbane beers and one regular?

**Stiles:** Don’t bother with mine. I think all we have left is PBR, and that gives me flashbacks to orientation weekend.

**Isaac:** You know, you can buy something else if you—

**Stiles:** Dude, I just don’t want alcohol. I’ve puked too much today to want to be drunk right now.

**Peter:** Really? Why were you puking?

**Stiles:** I…ate a bad burrito. I dunno.

**Peter:** Huh. That was a lie, Stiles.

**Stiles:** Oh?

**Isaac:** Oh! Tell it again! I always have trouble with hearing that one!

**Peter:** It’s not just hearing, idiot. Don’t you know how unreliable polygraphs are? It’s also smell.

**Isaac:** Oh! Well, let’s not practice that then. I try not to smell Stiles if I can help it. The amount of semen alone is really—

**Stiles:** I have a healthy sex life, thank you very much.

**Isaac:** Yeah, but how do you get so much of it in your hair?

**Stiles:** Well, Isaac, when a hair-obsessed alpha loves a—

**Isaac:** PLEASE STOP.

**Peter:** Or don’t. You could describe it in detail if necessary. I won’t mind.

**Stiles:** You know, now I don’t really want to.

**Peter:** Eh. I don’t really care. You said you were throwing up this morning, but it’s fine now?

**Stiles:** Yeah? I guess the burrito wasn’t that bad?

**Peter:** Excuse me. I have to go collect on a bet I made with Chris about illegitimate children….

**Isaac:** Huh?

*Peter leaves*

**Isaac:** Stiles? Why do you smell like pickles and Nutella?

**Stiles:** *dreamily* It’s a surprisingly good combination….

*some time later*

**Stiles:** I know you’re worried about it, but they’re going to find out eventually. I mean, if nothing else, the bump is getting…

**Derek:** Yeah. But we should wait as long as possible. No need to show unnecessary weakness.

**Stiles:** Yeah. I get that. Plus, I really, really like messing with Peter. Today went perfectly. I hit ‘weirdly nauseated by pizza’, ‘I don’t want alcohol’ and ‘lying about morning sickness’. The thing with eating the burrito may have been a bit much. Turns out it _was_ bad and I actually did throw up a bit. But then I lied by saying I didn’t know if that’s what made me throw up, so it still worked.

**Derek:** Oh! Sorry! I figured you would just smell like buritto and lie about the throwing up part. The hearing lies thing is so inexact….

**Stiles:** Eh. It was worth it to follow up on last week when he spent a half hour stealth-sniffing me and Allison before going off to make a bet with Chris about which one of us was preggers. I felt violated.

**Derek:** Last week was after I was helping her set those snares?

**Stiles:** Yeah. And apparently rubbed all over her.

**Derek:** Aw, baby, I always rub all over you more.

**Stiles:** Don’t I know it. And speaking of, you wanna…

**Derek:** Yes! Let me go get the pickles!

**Stiles:** Dude. As sexy as you manage to make it, the thing with the pickles and Nutella is weird.

**Derek:** I’m pregnant! I have cravings!

**Stiles:** I know. But I feel like most expectant mothers eat their cravings instead of putting them—

**Derek:** SEXUAL CRAVINGS. IT’S A THING.

**Stiles:** I know, babe. I just think you might be confusing—

**Derek:** NO. I’M NOT. ALSO. DO NOT CALL ME A MOTHER. I AM VERY MANLY.

**Stiles:** I know, babe. Go get the Nutella.

 

**Epilogue:**

*ring*

**Derek:** Don’t…answer…it.

**Stiles:** I have to. It’s Scott.

**Derek:** Fine. But don’t stop doing…

**Stiles:** I promise. *into phone* Hey bro. What’s up?

**Scott:** Dude. I ate that burrito you left in the fridge.

**Stiles:** Aw, dude. The one with, like, two bites taken out of it?

**Derek:** Stiles…

**Scott:** I’ve been puking all day.

**Derek:** STILES!

**Stiles:** Good boy.

**Scott:** Did you just call me a good boy for throwing up? Cause, dude, that is not…

**Stiles:** Come on, you can do it.

**Derek:** …YES…SIR…

**Scott:** Dude. You are having sex with Derek, aren’t you? You totally are. I’m gonna go throw up again. Then totally commiserate with Allison about how terrible morning sickness is.

**Stiles:** You do that. Wait, what?

*Scott hangs up*

**Stiles:** Eh, whatever. You gonna finish that off or what, bitch?

**Derek:** I told you! Don’t call me that in front of the baby!

**Stiles:** Well? Are you?

**Derek:** Well, duh. Just let me get a good handful of hair…

**Author's Note:**

> If you want updates as they happen, follow me on tumblr, where I am going by using-this-name (with dashes instead of underscores).
> 
> I would also LOVE any prompts that you would like to send me on tumblr. Any pairing, or any trope!


End file.
